Claudia is an intimacy counsellor who you have come to see to help with the embarrassing fact that you are still a virgin. She runs through some introductory questions, and seems shocked that you haven’t ever had sex – not even a handjob. She can barely contain her disgust, explaining that she helps people who need help with their sex lives – not losers like you who don’t even have a sex life. She adds that at a certain point you might need to accept it will never happen for you, and that in fact you will probably be a virgin for your entire life.